The bully wears heels
THE FEMALE BULLY
Beware the bully in heels. A U.S. survey found that 40 percent of workplace heavies are women — surprising, given our allegedly maternal natures — and that they tend to pick on their XX-chromosome colleagues. In fact, women are the most common targets of bullies of either gender, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute, based in Bellingham, Washington, which led the 2007 study. And while there aren’t any national statistics about bullying on the job in Canada, the experts say it’s prevalent here, too. Quebec, a leader in addressing the issue, receives around 2,000 complaints a year at its labour commission from non-union employees alone. I saw this article in Chatelaine and I could not put it down!
What’s more, research has found that the damage caused by bullying can be more severe than that of other, more high-profile cubicle troubles. A Canadian study determined that victims of bullying were more stressed and withdrawn, and less satisfied with their jobs, than those of sexual harassment.
“It’s one of the most important health problems in the workplace today,” confirms Angelo Soares, who teaches organizational behaviour at the Université du Québec à Montréal and has listened to nurses and engineers alike recount traumatic tales. They say bullying can happen anywhere. No one’s safe. I know. It happened to me.
WHAT’S BULLYING?
Workplace bullying is defined as deliberate and focused mistreatment of an employee. Quebec, the first jurisdiction in North America to specifically protect against this type of psychological harassment, describes it as repeated, vexatious behaviour that erodes a worker’s dignity. Here in Québec we call it "harcèlement moral" or moral harassment and its taken very seriously! Tactics range from the loud — yelling, door slamming and ranting — to the subtle: A bullied employee might find herself excluded from important meetings or assigned tasks without adequate resources to complete them. Her co-workers could be recruited in a campaign to isolate her. And behind her back, the bully may trash her to higher-ups, although bosses themselves are often the culprits. I was victimized in such a way due to a misunderstanding. This person was relentless in making my life at school miserable. I could not turn to the principal for help because she had also twisted his mind against me. I did not see it at first but much later it became very clear how conniving that person had become. Always smiling in my face but in time I could see she had a master plan. I was not her only victim.
She was a resource teacher and felt threatened by me because I had far superior skills and degrees than her. I never had any intentions of taking her job. I totally loved my job as a classroom teacher. She acted out of fear with not regard for me. She finally was able to convince the principal to let me go. This is the same principal that had written a glorious review about my work 6 months earlier.
In his research, Soares has seen victims of a slew of behaviours that even his first-year management students recognize as inappropriate: a supermarket cashier who received letters from a supervisor every few days detailing minor infractions — an unironed uniform, shoes not conforming to code, arriving two minutes late; a secretary whose computer was “losing files,” who eventually learned it wasn’t a virus but a colleague deleting them after hours; and a hospital-pharmacy worker whose boss tried to control her day so much that even her bathroom breaks were monitored.
WHO’S THE TARGET?
The employee under attack is often a competent, committed one, singled out for her strengths, not her weaknesses. And she’s often on her own, says Gary Namie, the research director for the Workplace Bullying Institute. Even though it’s a form of violence — psychological violence — it’s still seen as the victim’s fault.
Experts also note that the gender — of the bully or target — doesn’t determine whether this happens or to whom; rather, bullying typically occurs in an organization with poor leadership. There is an element of bullying that’s simply predator-prey, says Diane Rodgers, project coordinator for BullyFreeBC, a lobby and education group.
HOW DOES IT HURT?
High blood pressure, clinical depression, diabetes, even post-traumatic-stress disorder, shingles can befall a bullied employee. While working at a public-relations firm on the West Coast, an employee developed shingles. Her boss’s hallmark behaviour included storming out of meetings, throwing news releases in subordinates’ faces and shouting at her staff: “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you think?” After only four months, the employee could no longer cope with the bullying — she had to quit.
As with many employees subjected to this mistreatment, my confidence also suffered a hit. But even to this day, I still have self-doubt.
The disruptive behaviour under fluorescent lights also goes beyond the personal: It hurts colleagues, hampers productivity and costs the health-care system. After I was transferred from my school many other teachers became anxious worrying that their jobs were not safe. The Canadian Centre for Occupation Health and Safety, a federal agency, reports that bullying cultivates an unhealthy environment, which increases absenteeism and turnover and decreases motivation and morale among employees. I was transferred to a school with a bad reputation. I was given a class where 7 of the students were serious mental health patients. These children were very agressive.
The meds were potent and seriously hampering their judgement. I often had to protect other children from their attacks. In October 2007 while trying to calm a child who was having a rage attack against his friend, I sustained 3 herniated discs. I have not been back to teach because of serious back pain. The school board is trying to fire me. Had I been able to keep my job at my neighborhood school I would still be working. I did bump into her one day at a store. I felt my blood pressure rise instantly and I started to shake while adrenaline was cursing into my veins. I also felt my eyes filling with tears. She said that she heard what had happened and felt sorry for my "misfortune". She ran out the door.
I did try to explain my story to the school board but they maintain that principals have complete authority. I have spoken to a labor lawyer and it has helped extend my salary payments but whatever money came my way was spent paying his bills....I have closure.
I have spent this last year living it up in the Middle-East with my husband. This is the picture of the resort where we lived:
Not bad at all, dont you think! Now if I could get rid of this back pain, life would be better!
This has been an important life lesson for me in all kinds of ways. What is the silver lining you ask? Spending quality time with my husband! It also helps that I kept cute notes that the students have written to me over the years. Reading them is very comforting!
Were you ever mistreated by a bully in heels at your workplace?
Beware the bully in heels. A U.S. survey found that 40 percent of workplace heavies are women — surprising, given our allegedly maternal natures — and that they tend to pick on their XX-chromosome colleagues. In fact, women are the most common targets of bullies of either gender, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute, based in Bellingham, Washington, which led the 2007 study. And while there aren’t any national statistics about bullying on the job in Canada, the experts say it’s prevalent here, too. Quebec, a leader in addressing the issue, receives around 2,000 complaints a year at its labour commission from non-union employees alone. I saw this article in Chatelaine and I could not put it down!
What’s more, research has found that the damage caused by bullying can be more severe than that of other, more high-profile cubicle troubles. A Canadian study determined that victims of bullying were more stressed and withdrawn, and less satisfied with their jobs, than those of sexual harassment.
“It’s one of the most important health problems in the workplace today,” confirms Angelo Soares, who teaches organizational behaviour at the Université du Québec à Montréal and has listened to nurses and engineers alike recount traumatic tales. They say bullying can happen anywhere. No one’s safe. I know. It happened to me.
WHAT’S BULLYING?
Workplace bullying is defined as deliberate and focused mistreatment of an employee. Quebec, the first jurisdiction in North America to specifically protect against this type of psychological harassment, describes it as repeated, vexatious behaviour that erodes a worker’s dignity. Here in Québec we call it "harcèlement moral" or moral harassment and its taken very seriously! Tactics range from the loud — yelling, door slamming and ranting — to the subtle: A bullied employee might find herself excluded from important meetings or assigned tasks without adequate resources to complete them. Her co-workers could be recruited in a campaign to isolate her. And behind her back, the bully may trash her to higher-ups, although bosses themselves are often the culprits. I was victimized in such a way due to a misunderstanding. This person was relentless in making my life at school miserable. I could not turn to the principal for help because she had also twisted his mind against me. I did not see it at first but much later it became very clear how conniving that person had become. Always smiling in my face but in time I could see she had a master plan. I was not her only victim.
She was a resource teacher and felt threatened by me because I had far superior skills and degrees than her. I never had any intentions of taking her job. I totally loved my job as a classroom teacher. She acted out of fear with not regard for me. She finally was able to convince the principal to let me go. This is the same principal that had written a glorious review about my work 6 months earlier.
In his research, Soares has seen victims of a slew of behaviours that even his first-year management students recognize as inappropriate: a supermarket cashier who received letters from a supervisor every few days detailing minor infractions — an unironed uniform, shoes not conforming to code, arriving two minutes late; a secretary whose computer was “losing files,” who eventually learned it wasn’t a virus but a colleague deleting them after hours; and a hospital-pharmacy worker whose boss tried to control her day so much that even her bathroom breaks were monitored.
WHO’S THE TARGET?
The employee under attack is often a competent, committed one, singled out for her strengths, not her weaknesses. And she’s often on her own, says Gary Namie, the research director for the Workplace Bullying Institute. Even though it’s a form of violence — psychological violence — it’s still seen as the victim’s fault.
Experts also note that the gender — of the bully or target — doesn’t determine whether this happens or to whom; rather, bullying typically occurs in an organization with poor leadership. There is an element of bullying that’s simply predator-prey, says Diane Rodgers, project coordinator for BullyFreeBC, a lobby and education group.
HOW DOES IT HURT?
High blood pressure, clinical depression, diabetes, even post-traumatic-stress disorder, shingles can befall a bullied employee. While working at a public-relations firm on the West Coast, an employee developed shingles. Her boss’s hallmark behaviour included storming out of meetings, throwing news releases in subordinates’ faces and shouting at her staff: “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you think?” After only four months, the employee could no longer cope with the bullying — she had to quit.
As with many employees subjected to this mistreatment, my confidence also suffered a hit. But even to this day, I still have self-doubt.
The disruptive behaviour under fluorescent lights also goes beyond the personal: It hurts colleagues, hampers productivity and costs the health-care system. After I was transferred from my school many other teachers became anxious worrying that their jobs were not safe. The Canadian Centre for Occupation Health and Safety, a federal agency, reports that bullying cultivates an unhealthy environment, which increases absenteeism and turnover and decreases motivation and morale among employees. I was transferred to a school with a bad reputation. I was given a class where 7 of the students were serious mental health patients. These children were very agressive.
The meds were potent and seriously hampering their judgement. I often had to protect other children from their attacks. In October 2007 while trying to calm a child who was having a rage attack against his friend, I sustained 3 herniated discs. I have not been back to teach because of serious back pain. The school board is trying to fire me. Had I been able to keep my job at my neighborhood school I would still be working. I did bump into her one day at a store. I felt my blood pressure rise instantly and I started to shake while adrenaline was cursing into my veins. I also felt my eyes filling with tears. She said that she heard what had happened and felt sorry for my "misfortune". She ran out the door.
I did try to explain my story to the school board but they maintain that principals have complete authority. I have spoken to a labor lawyer and it has helped extend my salary payments but whatever money came my way was spent paying his bills....I have closure.
I have spent this last year living it up in the Middle-East with my husband. This is the picture of the resort where we lived:
Not bad at all, dont you think! Now if I could get rid of this back pain, life would be better!
This has been an important life lesson for me in all kinds of ways. What is the silver lining you ask? Spending quality time with my husband! It also helps that I kept cute notes that the students have written to me over the years. Reading them is very comforting!
Were you ever mistreated by a bully in heels at your workplace?
Such a great message to send to us all. I'm not sure about anyone else but I've found that women bosses were always the most challenging to work for. Our hormones don't help and women often hold grudges. I know there is suppose to be this great brotherhood of women for women. But honestly in my daily life I don't often see it. Women are judgmental and enemies first then friends last. I've moved a lot over the last 9 years and have had to try to fit into a lot of new work environments and social settings. Thank goodness I've mellowed and what use to bother me no longer does as much. We women bloggers however, very kind, charitable folk! Thanks for the great information.
ReplyDeleteGreat Thursday to you x
Such a great message to send to us all. I'm not sure about anyone else but I've found that women bosses were always the most challenging to work for. Our hormones don't help and women often hold grudges. I know there is suppose to be this great brotherhood of women for women. But honestly in my daily life I don't often see it. Women are judgmental and enemies first then friends last. I've moved a lot over the last 9 years and have had to try to fit into a lot of new work environments and social settings. Thank goodness I've mellowed and what use to bother me no longer does as much. We women bloggers however, very kind, charitable folk! Thanks for the great information.
ReplyDeleteI pasted your comment Deb. Something is wrong with my blog at the moment. Thanks for the visit!
Come to think about it, the only hassle I ever had with an employer, was when my boss was a woman - and in this instance, the silly bitch couldn't have had a more secure position as she was the owners wife! She made my life a misery some days & thrived on the knowledge that I needed to keep my job as I was the sole supporter of my family. It gave me the greatest pleasure to see her shock when I resigned some time later. She was a bully, an insecure, neurotic, hypochondriac, poor excuse of a female.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you got to spend time with G & I'm happy that your ordeal is now over. All we need now is for you to be pain-free :-)
{{{hugs}}}
Your former boss sounded like my co-worker! I think women have a special talent for pushing each other's buttons! I think you have done well for yourself! Thanks for the visit Jayne!
ReplyDeleteSounded like my co-interns and residents in some hospitals. It happened to me not only once. Residents tend to bully interns like us, simply because were still new in the hospital settings, they said "it" is part of the training, but the truth is, they're just passing on the things that theyve been through when they were still interns. A pre-resident intern once in OB-gyne used to be friendly and approchable during her pre-residency stay, but after a year or two, became snobbish, obnoxious, and proud. Its just a cycle that will keep going on and on, and it is part of any work culture. So sad, too much "pride" and "envy"....
ReplyDeleteHi Mhel,
ReplyDeleteIt almost reminds me of the show Scrubs. I guess in your case its men and women alike that participate in that culture of harassment. I always thought they acted that way because of work related stress. Thanks for commenting!
Here is the question that needs to be answered (my answer would be no) - Are workplace bullies operating out of anger. In other words, does anger cause bulllying - Again, I would say no. Often bullies do it simply because they can. The may or may not seem or be angry when it happens, but anger is not the cause.
ReplyDeleteno, I thankfully never had to experience a work place bully, but I am so very sorry that you have! What an awful experience, but you are clearly the better woman for making the best of it and finding the silver lining. You are still teaching valuable lessons to your students through your strength even if you are not with them in a classroon:)
ReplyDelete@Mike,
ReplyDeleteWent to visit your blog but there is no comment section. I see you offer anger mgnt program. I know a bunch of people that could use it....I also think that anger is not the cause but rather a deep rooted sense of insecurity.
@TJ
I'm happy you never experienced it! I'm thinking of going back in the fall! I'm not sure if my back will let me but the head wants to LOL. Thanks for your comment!
I have been bullied...even when I had my own business. Being a wedding planner was great but I did have a male client who had a complex and he would call 10 times a day and basically bully me. I could feel the anxiety every time the phone rang. This is such an important issue in the workplace and in school...I have great fears for my kids. I also had to deal with sexual harassment when I was in the fashion business....what cant we just go to work and be treated properly...for that matter why can't we just be kind all the time.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for coming by on SITS Day! New follower.
Holly
504 Main
I'm fortunate not to have been bullied as an adult; I certainly experienced it as a child. I'm really sorry to hear about your experiences.
ReplyDeleteHi Holly,
ReplyDeletethanks for visiting~! What I did not mention in my post is that there is also bullying from the parents. When their child is not behaving or their marks are not great in the report cards parents become agitated and take it out on us! I got yelled at more times than I can remember!
Nowadays there is not much respect for teachers even from the parents. You would think I was teaching in a difficult area but no, these schools were in posh neighborhoods. I had great fears for my kids but they are older now and they know how to defend themselves! Take care!
Hi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteNever been bullied as an adult? Where do you live, I want to move there! Children are notorious for bullying. Immaturity and insecutity are the main reasons. I guess the same applies for adults...
When I was in my early 20s (might even have been 19, I can't remember that long ago :-), I worked at an insurance agency as a secretary. I mostly answered the phones, took info to give quotes, typing & filing - I wanted to do more important tasks, but the other gal who was supposed to train me bullied me from the moment I started. Long story short, it became apparent that she wanted her friend to have my job, so she launched a campaign to get rid of me that worked. I still remember how bewildered I was about it all because I'd never been in that kind of situation before. I was likely an easy challenge for her.
ReplyDeleteAs if getting bullied in school weren't enough.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing about this! I have to say that I once quit a job after only 3 days...I just knew I couldn't work for this guy-too stressful-now I know why. (Yes, I did end up with a lower paying job but I figured it was worth it.)
ReplyDeleteYes, I never had trouble working for/ with men, always with women.
ReplyDeleteThanks for a very full summary here, and all the best to you for a wwonderful future.
Though not bullied I am a bit of an outcast at my new job because I am personal friends with the CEO.
ReplyDeleteNo one wants to talk openly around me about their work issues because they believe I will "tattle" to the her.
I have stated openly that I would never repeat anything to the boss.
I have to say that I am a very friendly person to every single person at work, I get no special privileges and I don't gossip at all. Since I started there more people say hello to each other and the even the very quiet ones are joining in the conversations.
I caught wind of a get together for this afternoon at a coworkers house. I didn't receive the email invite and the woman asked me 5 minutes before closing last night if I was coming. I didn't let on that I had heard about it through the grapevine though.
She gave me a copy of the directions to her house but I will not go. I am kind of hurt by this. We are not a big company so it isn't like she just missed my name in the group email. It is more like she figured if she invited me at the last minute I probably couldn't go and then she is off the hook for when the get together is mentioned at work.
I have lots of friends and don't need to be friends with my coworkers but it really does sting. Is this bullying? I don't think so but it isn't fair.
Just stopping by to say have a great weekend!! Stop by and check out my giveaway! http://sasx3.blogspot.com/2010/05/super-awesome-giveaway_21.html
ReplyDeleteYup, I have been bullied at work. Someone once said you have to get around a lot of people to get where you are going and I believe that to be true. Most of my old bullies have not amounted to much. I suppose if they had been more focused on themselves instead of others that could have been different.
ReplyDeleteI began crying as I read this ... this is nearly my story. I am employed as an ed. assistant and was subjected to a bully (she is likely a psychopath -she fits the profile)for nearly 5 school years. I phoned health and safety - no avail -- I phoned any gov't. office I could think of but because the harassment was not based on race, creed, colour or religion, again no help. My dr. insisted I take time off as my blood pressure soared, I was having anxiety issues. My principal had been tainted by her against me so I was considered the whining, non compliant bad guy and given time off, using up my sick leave.
ReplyDeleteFinally a new administrator arrived at our school, recognized the problems and removed this bullying teacher from her post to a different position. During the aftermath I was verbally assaulted by 2 of the teacher's friends at the school, had papers thrown in my face by one of them, physically confronted by one of them 2 different times and actually feared she would hit me, and then 3 times over the next few months was close to being hit by the bully as she drove her car into and out of the school's parking lot. Once I was pulled out of the way by a fellow employee, another time I had to jump back into my vehicle to avoid being hit and the third time I had to drive into the curb to avoid her car. It was a frightening and demoralizing time in my life. It took its toll on my family life and my health. It's been 3 years and I still suffer anxiety attacks, they come on for no apparent reason. Blood pressure is down thanks to tai chi and breathing exercises. And I no longer feel that I'm losing my mind -- you question your sanity because with a bully at the helm you're always 'losing' things, getting messages mixed up or missing information that others seem to be getting. Makes you question how you could be so stupid, no wonder people stay away from you. I was actually told by a fellow employee that I was being bullied and she told me I was not safe to be around.
My confidence is still lacking and I feel panicked when asked to do something slightly different at school.During those years I was not given the opportunity to use the computers in our school and therefore learn the educational software so I'm not able to do my job at times as effectively as I should.
But it is getting better. Post traumatic stress disorder apparently eases after about 4 years? So I'm hoping.
Thanks for this site -- wish I'd found it a few years ago. I was at the end of my tether.