Male or female

As a French teacher its not always easy to teach the difference between feminine and masculine. Everything has a gender: la table, le téléphone, etc...It can be hard for kids to memorize. There are still a few things that still challenge me. I still cant say if the following are  are male or female.  Here`s what a male friend of mine says:

	FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
	PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
	TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
	HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
	SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
	WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
	TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people..
	EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
	HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
	THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it wouldbe male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying