07 January 2010

CANADIAN EH? and a few exaggerations !


TEN PROVINCES, WHICH ONE TO CHOOSE?










TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA:


1.     Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You

        do the math.      


2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from

     downtown.

3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.

4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest
     going on.

5. Weed.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA:

1. Big rock between you and B.C.

2. Ottawa who? (our capital city)  Albertans are independant.

3. Tax is 5% instead ofthe approximately 200% it is for
    rest of the  country. (They have oil....)
     

4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can
   think of.

5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.


6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government    
     militia groups.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN:

1. You never run out of wheat.

2. Your province is really easy to draw. (Look it up)

3. You can watch the dog run away from home for
    hours.


4. People will assume you live on a farm.


5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA

1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly   
     have a beachfront property. (problems with floods)

2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.

3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.

4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending   
    on your mood.

5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float
     by.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO:

1. You live in the centre of the universe.

2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.

3.. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.

4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC

1. Racism is socially acceptable.

2. You can take bets with your friends on which English   
     neighbour will move out next: Québec is French!

3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada:
    Québec wants to become its own country.

4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo
     A*#hole!"


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK

1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.

2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies (Newfoundland).

3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .

4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA

1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.

2.    You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an
        excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.      
 

3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still         got the big, new bridge.

2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.

3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.

4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."

5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.

6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at
night.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND

1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.

2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.

3. The workday is about two hours long.

4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your
wedding.


Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and
foreigners who can learn something about Canada and then enjoy a good chuckle.


Let's face it: Canadians are a rare breed.


The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart:


50° Fahrenheit (10° C)

· Californians shiver uncontrollably.

· Canadians plant gardens.


35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)

· Italian Cars won't start

· Canadians drive with the windows down


32° Fahrenheit (0° C)

· American water freezes

· Canadian water gets thicker.


0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)

· New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.

· Canadians have the last cookout of the season.


-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)

· Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

· Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.


-109.9° Fahrenheit (-78.5° C)

· Carbon dioxide freezes, makes dry ice.

· Canadians pull down their earflaps.


-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)

· Ethyl alcohol freezes.

· Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg


-459.67° Fahrenheit (-273.15° C)

· Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.

· Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"


-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)

· Hell freezes over.

· The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup

 










2 comments:

  1. Hey A2Z - finally backtracked ya back home ! Sure is cold up here ... Brrr ! Yall is tuff sure enuff !

    I've been pretty busy of late but will cruise by when I can 'n read all yer goodies. You certainly have alot to gander at.

    From what I know, I think I'll have to go with Alberta (that's where all yalls radical, anti system types live, 'eh ?). Think I'd fit right in. Now, about the furr - reeezing weather ... !

    Take care, if I "see" Maple I'll tell her you said hey !

    (hee hee !)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Jeff,

    Always nice to hear from you. I lived in the South for a while (Houston). It was not so tamed as it is now. Driving and drinking was allowed then. That must me changed by now. Hope to see you soon. I love that accent of yours!

    ReplyDelete