28 February 2010

THESE ARE THE LAWS THAT GOVERN MY LIFE:



> 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you will have to pee.

> 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

> 3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

> 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

> 5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 


> 6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).    



> 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

> 8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

> 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will..

> 10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

> 11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.  They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance.  The aisle people also are very surly folk.

> 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 


> 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

> 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

> 15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

> 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 


> 17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

> 18.  Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

> 19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.


Do you have different ones or are you in the same boat as me?





11 comments:

  1. Sadly I have lived all of these too damn many times! Wilsons law just happened this week.
    Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Peggy,

    You and me both. Wilson's law happens mostly with lipsticks....

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like #4. It's true that I have never dialed a wrong # and had it be busy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I too have lived through these fine examples way too many times, altho' now I must admit, if the phone rings when I'm in the shower, then it stays unanswered! Whoever it is will either call back or will have to wait for me to call them :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown Mami, #4 has happened to me so many times. It happened again Friday. The guy actually called me back to give me sh&t about being more careful....

    Jayne, you and I both. The bath example is a classic....

    ReplyDelete
  6. That list is hilarious! I was nodding in agreement at every single one. The law of close encounters was my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Kelly,

    Thanks for visiting! Its always feel like we are the only ones who experience these so-called "laws".

    ReplyDelete
  8. I experienced law #1 just last week when I was changing the oil on my pickup....seriously, it wasn't that funny... :-)

    Also, in law #7, change "bath" for "toilet"...guaranteed every time I'm sitting on the throne, the phone goes...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Divemaster,

    My husband has the same problem with #7. I just find he spends a lot of time there for some reason....LOL

    ReplyDelete
  10. Totally in the same boat as you, especially for No. 2, 9 and 18 .. sigh

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm beginning to think that they are universal!

    ReplyDelete